Albert Vs Jeremy/Script
/ It was an average day in the Irving/Albert household. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Irving was tried as all heck. But his older brother Albert was the opposite. They were hanging out in the kitchen, while Irving was preparing a bowl of cereal. Albert: Good morning, Irving. Irving: What's go good about it? Albert: Why the glum face? Irving: Phineas and Ferb left for some fishing trip with their dad... Albert: You mean, their whole family is not present? Irving; Oh, no. Candace, and Linda are still there. Albert: Candace? Great! Irving: Why do you care if Candace is there? Albert: Uh...no reason! I'm not going to...woo her or anything. Irving: Sure you're not. But there's something i must tell y- Albert: I have no time for you. I must be off! Irving: But Albert, you gotta know about J- Albert: Don't care! Irving: ...Hey, where's Perry? ...Hey someone had to say it. / Perry had already gone through his usually epic entrance, and was now face to screen with Major Monogram. Monogram: Morning Agent P, Doof is at it again. He's purchased several books on human emotion, as well as one called "How to hold a grudge". We have no idea what this means, but i'll guess it's not that good. Find out what he's up to and, as the kids say, kick his sorry butt! Carl: ...No one says that sir Monogram: Did i ask if they did? Carl: Well no but- Monogram: Then be quiet! So anyway, see ya agent p Perry then left to stop Doofenshmirtz / Albert was now in the park, carrying some flowers. Albert: This is gonna be wonderful! Candace will be mine in no time! Albert saw Candace over near a bench... Albert: Oh, there she is! Just as radiant as ever... Then he saw a strange (to him), blonde sit next to Candace. Albert: What the-who's this? Candace: Oh, hi Jeremy! Albert: Jeremy, eh? Better keep an eye on this. Jeremy: Hey Candace, it's nice to get out once in awhile, ya know? Candace: ...yes. yes it is. Albert: This is very suspicious...but nothing to worry about. Candace: I'm kinda bored... Albert: Perhaps i should walk over there to cure he-no, i need to see how this plays out.. Jeremy: Well, perhaps i have something to cure that.. Candace: You do? Jeremy: Yes, this... And to Albert's dismay, Jeremy leaned over...and kissed her Albert: What the-NO! this can't be! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Candace: Huh? Did you hear that? Albert: I can't believe this! How could-i gotta get out of here! Albert then ran off. Jeremy: I'm sure it was nothing. / A few minutes later, Albert ran into the house. Irving: Oh hey Albert, that was quick! Albert: Irving, you'll never believe this! Candace is with some blonde guy! Irving: That's what i was trying to tell you! Before you left. She's been with him all summer, you never knew this? Albert: I don't know everything! Irving: I knew it! Albert: Look, it doesn't matter! Candace has some other guy, and now i 'll never get her, which means i'll never find love! My life is ruined! Irving: Oh Albert, you're talking crazy. Just then, a kid ran by and peeked in the window that was close by, and saw what was going on. Kid: Ha, you're a loser without a girl! Irving: Would you like some ice for that burn? Albert: Ugh, great! Now my life is ruined... Irving: I guess know who to blame, yoursel- Albert: ...Of course! I know who to blame... Albert then turn to the sky-or rather ceiling and screamed. Albert: JEREEEEEEEEEEMY! The title popped up on screen. Albert Vs: Jeremy' Jingle Singers: Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Perry busted into DEI. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, how...i got nothing. And by nothing...i mean ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING! Oh, hey, there's one! Now, where did i put the trap remote? Crud, i think i lost it. Well..stay put, while i tell you about my new inator. Now, Perry the Platypus, as you know, i hold the award for Best Grudge Holder. And you bet your platypus-flank i am! Norm: E-yup. e-yup you are. Doofenshmirtz: How many times must i tell you to stay in the closet? Norm: I lost count sir. Doofenshmirtz: Whatever. Anyway, I can hold grudges, but they say doing so tears them apart. I personally don't believe that, but i was thinking- Vanessa: That's a first Doofenshmirtz: IS THERE A SIGN ON THE DOOR THAT SAYS "Come in, no evil scientist BUSY"? Vanessa: ...Whatever. Doofenshmirtz: As i was saying, I will- Vanessa: Let me guess, you built a grudge-inator to make ponies have a grudge against the first pony they see? Doofenshmirtz: Darn it Vanessa! ...Can I tell him myself anyway? Vanessa: Sure Doofenshmirtz: BEHOLD! THE GRUDGE INATOR! With this, i will give everypony grudges on each other, and spread chaos through the ENTIRE TRI STATE AREA! See, it sounds much cooler when i say it! Vanessa: Whatever, Doofenshmirtz: You're lucky, Perry the Platypus! You just gotta fight an evil guy, i have THIS! *Sigh* My life stinks. ...I'll start my inator in a sec. Just...give me a minute. / Back at the home of Sir Albert, king of all things ninja, he was talking with irving about his plan. Irving; ..Why did you yell that? Albert: Because it's cool. Irving: Fair Enough. But how are you going to get revenge on Jeremy? Albert: Easy. I shall destroy all that he loves, until he is such a broken down mess, Candace will dump him, and go for the superior stallion, ALBERT MCDOODLE STOMMELING! *Evil Laugh* *Lightning* Irving: ...Where did that come from? *Cut to The Regurgtiator in jail* Regurgitator: Why isn't my lightning remote working? *Cut back to Irving and Albert* Irving: Well, if you want to know, Jeremy is supposed to be at Slushy Burger today. But, this is actually a special Slushy Burger that Phineas and Ferb built in their backyard. You know, because they don't like the actual one. Albert: Yea. Slushy Dogs never get any better! Okay, all i need to do, is ruin the Slushy Burger's buisness, then he will be out of a job! Then he will be ruined! Irving: ...Okay, please leave me out of this. Albert: Do it or I'll give you a wedgie. Irving: When do we start? / *In Phineas and Ferb's backyard* Albert: Okay, it's time to start my plan! Irving: How will do you do this? Albert: Simple. I hire new workers who suck, they do so bad that no one comes to Slushy Burger, this place goes down, and when one falls, THEY ALL FALL! *Evil Laugh* Irving: You're good at this. Albert: Thanks! *SCENE CHANGE* Phineas: ...So these are our new workers? Crazy Old Coot: IF YOU FIND ANY GOLD, IT'S MINE! Nagging Wife: Gold doesn't just fall out of the sky! *Gold falls out of the sky* Husband (Off Screen): Even when i'm not there? Sarcastic Norm: Oh she says it doesn't fall out of the sky, and it does. Haven't heard that one a million times. Albert: Yep! Phineas: ...Well okay then, you are hired! Sarcastic Norm: Oh, the Slushy Burger, what a high class place Phineas: Okay then, you guys start cooking, i'll be back in 20 minutes! Nagging Wife: But i can't cook! What, is some skill gonna fall out of the sky? Crazy Old Coot: Nice try sister. Albert: I think this place is in good hooves... Sarcastic Norm: If I had any. Crazy Old Coot: Mine stopped working years ago. Sarcastic Norm: Geez, i thought Doofy smelled bad. Ohai, there's this new thing called a shower. Crazy Old Coot: SHOWERS ARE FOR WEENIES! Nagging Wife: Why can't a Muzzle. fall out of the sky? Sarcastic Norm: Why can't an ax murderer fall out of the sky? Crazy Old Coot: Do i have to shut you both up? Sarcastic Norm: Let's get out of the sun, i want food to fry, not us. *RIMSHOT* Sarcastic Norm: Oh there's the bird. Nagging Wife: This is gonna be a long day... *20 Minutes Later* Phineas: So how are things? Albert: Take a look, you will see things are quite different now Phineas: Wow! He looked to see that...Business. was booming! Stallion: Can i have a Slushy Dog? Sarcastic Norm: Sure, you could gain a few pounds. Albert: WHAT? Phineas: It's doing great! Albert: But,...i got the worst workers ever! How? Sarcastic Norm: Turns out the coot was the cook for his friends on the western front. And nagging wife is a WIFE, what did you expect? Albert: She said she couldn't cook! Sarcastic Norm: She meant she was unable to at that moment, since she had no tools. But that sky just loves her for some reason. Nagging Wife: Okay, now give my my million dollars! Husband (Off Screen): STILL DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! Albert: Dang it! Jeremy still has a job! Sarcastic Norm: Ohai, could you drop me back off at easter island. I don't even know how i got here in the first place. Albert: A wizard did it. Sarcastic Norm: Simpsons did it. Albert: Oh shut up. / *Back at DEI* Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I'm good. Now for the grudge in- Norm: Ohai, what ever happened to my old self? Doofenshmirtz: Now's not the time! Vanessa: Wait, there's another norm? Doofenshmirtz: I'll tell you when we are done! Vanessa: Just activate your inator so i can stamp your fail card. One more and you get a free yogurt. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Goody! But not i must press this button! Doof then pressed the button... and nothing happened. Doofenshmirtz: ...This could take awhile // Later that day, Jeremy was set to play his band at some kind of festival thing. Albert: Okay, here we are at the "Some Summer Festival Thingy 2011"!. Irving: They really ran out of excuses to party. Albert: But it does give me an excuse for REVEEEENGE! Irving: Does anyone tell you that you have a bad flank villain voice? Albert: Sadly, No. No one really compliments me.. Irving: Indeed. So, how are you gonna get rid of Jeremy? Albert: Hmmmm, I think I got myself a decent plan… Irving: Oh, can I help? I want to make sure you don't make an epic fail. Albert: Oh, e-yup! You are just what I need… Irving: I don't like the sound of that… / Jeremy's band was getting ready to perform.. Jeremy: Well, this is inconvenient to me, yet the exact opposite for all who oppose me. But who does? Coltrane: ..What? Jeremy: Never mind. Anyway, our drummer is sick right before we're supposed to play. Coltrane: That is inconvenient. Almost too inconvenient… Jeremy: So, how are we gonna go on? ?: WITH ME! They looked to see…Irving. Jeremy: Irving? Irving: E-yup, it is i! Coltrane: Can you play an instrument? Irving: I can play over 100 instruments known to stallion...and others. Jeremy: That's…pretty convenient. Do you wanna take our drummer's place? Irving: Eh, I don't know…E-YUP! Jeremy: He seems eager. Coltrane: Almost too eager… Jeremy: Please stop doing that / Albert: Okay, they're about to go on. Irving, don't fail me now! Announcer: And now, the "Some Summer Festival Thingy" presents, Jeremy and the incidentals! Irving: ARE YOU READY TO ROCK? Teenager: YOU SUCK! Jeremy: Are you sure you got this? Irving: Is The Best Pony a the best pony? Jeremy: ….What? Irving: Now, just follow my lead. Jeremy: But I'm the lead sing- Irving: Okay, here's my song! Then…SONG! Irving: …BLARGGGGH! (End Song) Then, there was silence. Albert: Irving is the best …thing ever. Audience: ….YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Albert: …what? Irving: Thank you, thank you! Coltrane: *Wipes tear* That was beautiful Announcer: Give it up for Jeremy and The Incidentals for their song "Blargh!" Irving went over to where Albert was.\ Irving: Wasn't I great? Albert: E-yup. But you were supposed to be TERRIBLE! Irving: Sorry .Albert. I guess these guys will eat up anything. Albert: Grrr…okay, this is driving me insane! Irving: It's a short drive. Albert: Shut it! I've had enough of you! Irving: I've only messed up ONCE today! I think I'm in a rut… Albert: This blonde pretty colt can't be stopped! I won't let Candace slip out of my arms! Irving: This is starting to worry me. I mean, do you even like her anymore? Albert: Of course!! I do! Despite the unhealthy busting obsession, the screaming, the laughing and the flat chest. She shall be mine! Irving: Albert, I think the one episode you liked her, and your desire to have her, has blocked all rational thought! Albert: I feel fine. Now follow me, for the last step in my sweet REVENGE! Irving: I hate my life. Albert: I hate it more. / Back at DEI, the inator still had to charge. Vanessa: |How long is this gonna take? Doofenshmirtz: Be patient, Vanes-OH COME YOU STUPID INATOR! Inator: Charging complete. Doofenshmirtz: That was quick. Norm: Almost too quick.. Vanessa: Seriously, what's your deal? Doofenshmirtz: Okay Perry the platypus, prepare to see a real grudge match! Doof turned on the machine and it fired. Doofenshmirtz: E-YUP! It works…but it takes 5 minutes to take effect on who it hits.. Vanessa: This inator sucks, even for you. Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa Doofenshmirtz it does no-actually, your right, it blows big time. Norm: If at firstyou don't succeed, try try again! Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, fine. I'll try one more time. Vanessa: It gets hard to watch. / Candace and Jeremy had decided to celebrate his success at the festival with a date over at a fancy restaurant Albert and Irving were hiding in the bushes in front of it. Albert: Okay, here's the plan that will help make my revenge complete! We will make sure they get the worst service, and food possible! Irving: This place already has terrible Food. I should know, the boys hated this place so much they made Chez Playtypus. Albert: Are you…implying that you lead them to a bad place? Irving: E-yup. Albert: When this all over, I'll give you something nice. Irving: Yay! Albert: Okay, I'll go in the kitchen and try to make the food worse./ You dress up as a waiter and make sure they have the worst service ever! Irving: Will do, Sir! Albert: Revenge Won't slip through my hooves today! / Jeremy: Oh, hi Candace, do you have some glasses? I can't see my entrée. You know, because it's so small. Candace: Even I didn't think that was funny. Jeremy: …Sorry. Candace: That's okay. Now, where's our waiter? Irving walked up to them; in a waiter outfit he totally didn't steal.\ Irving: Ohai, how may I serve you today? Candace: Irving what are yo- Irving: I'M NOT IRVING! Jeremy: ..Okay. Candace: Okay, so you are not Irving. Then you won't mind if I ask you to *Sexy voice* get our order right? Irving: I…uh…I'll d-do that right away, miss… Candace: Thanks.\ / Albert was in a…totally stolen Chef's outfit, in the kitchen. Head Chef: Okay, I am Chef Muet- Cul. You're the new guy, right? Albert: Uh…sure, why not? Muet-Cul : First, Cook a bunch of stuff, while i yell swear words at you. Albert: Or, you can go take a nap while we do all the work. Muet-Cul : Oh, much better ! See you later. Chef souteneur : Wow, we've been trying to make him take a nap for years. Albert : Did you ever just suggest It ? Souteneur : Non, non je n'ai pas. Albert : I thought so. Now, make a rotten mouse sandwich with extra pickles! Chef #4 : Uh…okay. Albert : Get to It ! Now i just need to wait for Irving. Irving peeked his head into the kitchen Irving: Oh, hi, off-screen, they asked for the chefs specialty! Albert: Perfect! I'm almost done. You go and give them some crappy service, okay? Irving: I'll try my best. Albert: E-yup! I shall have my sweet revenge! Chef #4: You've got serious issues, dude. / Irving: Okay, I don't know what you are up to, Candace. But all I know is that I will take your order, and I will get it the way I want to! Candace: Are you sure you want to do that? Irving: …Uh, e-yup./ Candace: *Sexy voice* Come on, you know you want to do I tell you, and not what your brother is telling you… Irving: Oh you are so-GRR MONSTER TRUCKS, BEER, RAWRRRRRRRR! Candace: Just get us a drink, okay? Irving: You will not sway me, red-headed vixen! Candace: I know who you are, colt, and I know that if I turn my sexy-ness up even a bit, you will anything I say. Irving: NEVER! Candace: Please? Irving: …Right away miss. / Irving poked his head into the Kitchen once again. Albert: okay, here's the food. I'll be at the table next to you in a second, to watch my revenge! Irving: Ya, about that, Candace sort of- Albert: Did she run off to bust Phineas and ferb for the 96th time? Irving: Well, no- Albert: Is she saying annoying crap about how cute Jeremy is? Irving: I don't think you like Candace as much as you say you do. Albert: I do! Shut up! Irving: I think I know what's wrong. You initially liked her a lot, and you only wanted to bust the boys that one time so I would no longer bug you. You just didn't want to admit that you had grown tired of her busting. You eventually lost the passion you had for her, but she just cute enough for you stay strong,. And when you saw she had somepony, you snapped. So that's why you have this lust for revenge. Am I in the ballpark? Chef #4: You just got served. Albert: I…guess you may be rig-NO! I WANT MY SWEET, DELCIOUS REVENGE! Irving: Oh no, it's worse than I thought! Albert must of gained a sort of spilt personality! Albert: I don't like cand-NO, WE LOVES CANDACE, WE NEEDS CANDACE! No, she's only okay. GREAT! Okay. GREAT! Irving: ..Okay, I'll be giving them that food if you want me, Gollum. Chef #4: Are you his brother? Irving: E-yup. E-yup I am. Chef #4: I feel so sorry for you. / A few minutes later, Irving was at Candace and Jeremy's table. Candace: Did you get me the right food? Irving: I-uh- Candace: Do I need to break out…the voice? Irving: OH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Irving ran over to the table of another couple… Nagging Wife: I can't believe you spent all your money on some food at this place but your too full from lunch to eat it. What did you think this food was going to disappear somehow? Irving: OHAI LOOK A THINGY! Irving snatched their plate of food and ran off. Husband: At least nothing fell out of the sky. Irving gave the food to Candace. Irving: Here's your correct food, Miss Flynn. Jeremy: Candace, why is Irving dressed as a waiter? Irving: Am I that obvious? Everypony: E-yup. E-yup you are. Jeremy: Well, uh thanks for the food. Albert jumped up from the table he was sitting at across from them. Albert: OH COME ON! Irving: Whoa, did you teleport? Albert: I'VE BROUGHT IN HORRIBLE EMPLYEOTES FOR SLUSHY BURGER, PUT IRVING IN JEREMY'S BAND, AND MADE MYSELF A CHEF, AND IRVING A WAITER, BUT SOMEHOW, and REVENGE ISN'T WORKING! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU STALLION? Jeremy: Could you uh…speak quietly, please? Candace: What's this revenge thing all about? Are you trying to split us because you obviously like me? Albert: Your okay-GREAT-okay-GREAT! Irving: He's having serious issues right now. Candace: Do you even like me that much? Albert: I…DON'T! Jeremy: …What? Albert: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I've been trying to hold it in with my split personality but I can't! I. DO. NOT. LOVE. CANACE ANYMORE! Infact, I slightly DISLIKE HERE! She's annoying, she talks about Jeremy too much, she laughs annoyingly, she screams too much, she tries too hard to do something that she'll never succeed in, and her right ear is a tiny bit too big! Just then, the grudge inator zapped Jeremy, who then stared at Albert. Jeremy: ..What did you just say? Irving: He said Candace was a- Jeremy: I heard what he said! Jeremy suddenly got all up in Albert's face Jeremy: Look dude, no one, and I mean NO ONE, insults Candace like that,. She is a teenage filly, so therefore her love for me is a bit big, so thus she talks about me a lot. I think it's great, as that means she cares! She is not annoying, her laughs and screams and yells, make her funny, and quite adorable! She does not hate her little brothers, she loves them! She is simply jealous that they seem to be the favorites, that they get so much attention for what they do, and she gets in trouble for a small intimate get other, but they don't get in trouble for their larger than life is a great pony, and doesn't ever change no matter what somepony thinks of her. Ponies like YOU who get her wrong, make me sick! Everypony stood stunned in silence. Albert: ..Wow Jeremy.. I...Didn't know you had it in you. It's like you got a sudden…Grudge rage. Like an invention that was way overpowered hit you. I guess I don't dislike you that much. I let my small like of Candace get in the way of my normal thinking process. I guess this revenge wasn't needed. But I will do more revenge once the summer is out. See ya! Albert left, leaving a stunned Jeremy there. Jeremy: …What did I just do? Candace: I don't know...but it was sweet. Candace then kissed him. Candace: Bye! Irving: …At least Al's single now. / Back at DEI.. Doofenshmirtz: Okay perry the platypus, you've been waiting for a few hours, but I swear this inator will function right! Vanessa: Is it too late to change my last name? Doofenshmirtz: Now, I shall activate the grudge inator at a low rate, as to not cause grudge induced rages. Doof pushed a button and.. Inator: Battery low. Please charge. Doofenshmirtz: OH SON OF A- THE END. Category:Albert Category:Candace Flynn Category:Jeremy Johnson Category:Fanon Works Category:Gurgy's Pages Category:Albert Vs Epsidoes Category:The Adventures Of Irving and Friends episodes